The Greatest Show On Earth

If I were to join a freak show or circus (just go with me on this one), I already know exactly what talent I’d bring to the big top experience. Ok, I’m no lion tamer, I’d make a terrible bearded lady (unless the new definition of “bearded lady” is “faint, pubescent boy mustache”), and the trapeze is the absolute last place you’ll find me… (and no, blinding people with my paleness isn’t a talent… it’s a gift I give freely #yourewelcome). No, my special skill would be the magical elastic girl – twisting my body into shapes that apparently aren’t normal (if you only knew how many photos I haven’t used because I look like a broken doll human or fashionable demon in need of an exorcist…) and appearing taller than I actually am. Now, I’m not short, but there’s nothing like a nice vertical stripe to elongate the frame. It’s true! You know how some folks kvetch about how horizontal stripes make you look wider? Well, friend, if you take those horizontal stripes and flip ’em on their ear, you can visually tack on a vertical inch or two. Ok, fine, it’s not exactly a wild and crazy box office draw of a trick, but it’s still pretty cool, right?

Skirt: Victoria Beckham x Target

Crop top: Windsor (similar)

Heels: Target

Sunglasses: Charming Charlie

Gold spike bracelet: Audaviv (similar)

Spice Up Your Life

First of all, I’d just like to start out by saying, “All hail Queen Victoria!”

Listen, when it comes to reading my mind, Target is approaching Carnac the Magnificent levels of greatness. Dinosaur cookie jars, cute AF doormats, adorable stationary, a shoe section that won’t quit (taking money out of my bank account)? I mean come, on. Let me tell you, the number of times a friend has texted me from the aisles of Bullseye land and said, “I saw this and thought of you” is not small (and I am not mad about it). So when I heard that the keepers of my pocketbook were *finally* teaming up with the one and only Posh Spice, I said, “Stop right there, thank you very much” (and they were like, “Hey you, always on the run – gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun” obviously). I’ve been a fan of Victoria Beckham’s fashion line for years. Her collection’s smart sophistication and clean graphic lines always speak to my soul, and I’ve gotta say her collaboration with Target is all I hoped it would be and then some. Between the beautiful brights and the stark black and whites, it’s a collection that feels tailor-made for little ol’ me and I knew that if I only managed to snag one piece it absolutely had to be this one. I mean, it’s basically me in dress form, guys. Quite frankly, it’s creepy and it’s cutesy and all together spooky how this dress makes all of my Wednesday Addams dreams come true (with wasically wabbits on the collar? UGH. SO FRIGGING CUTE). Sure, it also comes in a charming millennial blush pink, but for me? It’s go Bunnicula or go home.

Dress: Victoria Beckham x Target