If I had a nickel for every time I had a conversation with a woman about how insane it is that small, medium and large mean different things to different designers, I would have…well enough nickels to fill a closet with a bunch of clothes in completely inconsistent sizes. Yes it’s insanely annoying that sizes, whether a number or letter, change depending on the store, but I think what bothers me more is how much of my own self-worth I often let those numbers and letters dictate.
For most of my life, I have not liked my body. I could spend hours listing for you all the aspects of my physical being I would like to change, from my muffin top to my spaced out teeth. But one of the things I struggle with the most is the amount of pressure I put on myself to fit into a certain size. This (one might argue) unhealthy belief has lead me to having a lovely collection of skirts, dresses and tops that are not all that flattering, but that I bought because I was so excited when I was able to squeeze myself into the size I wanted to be. Logically, I know that is ludicrous, but for some reason I cared more about what the tag said than what my reflection did.
Maybe it’s doing this blog (and specifically spending hours staring at photos of myself looking for one I am comfortable displaying to the world amongst the 50-something I am not), but I found that clothes actually look a lot better on me when they are a bit on the baggier side. My imperfections are a lot less obvious in jeans that are looser in the waist and a top that doesn’t hug every curve of my body. And if that means perhaps I am wearing a size I would not like to shout from the rooftops, well so be it.
So yesterday, I threw out that collection of items that may be the right size for my brain, but aren’t doing my body any favors, and have decided to stick to the numbers and letters that make me feel beautiful. I may not be ready to fully embrace all my flaws, but at least I am one step closer to liking what I see when I look into any mirror, whether it be small, medium or large.
Jacket: Who What Wear x Target
Top: LOFT (Similar)
Jeans: Who What Wear x Target (Similar)