Work. It’s that thing that we all do to survive, but it can also be the thing threatening to take the Gloria Gaynor right out of our sails. Deadlines, crunch times, high stakes, raw emotions, being so busy that by the time you get to the break room some band of monsters has cut slivers out of all of the donuts so you have to Frankenstein a whole one together… Work can be an anxiety-ridden self doubt pit! It helps to have coping mechanisms. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed and stress threatens to suffocate me from all sides, I think about all of the jobs I would definitely suck at and it makes me feel a little better about whatever my present situation is. Here’s a short list in case you want to make your own and need inspiration to get started (and you’re welcome in advance because this baby is golden):
- Astronaut: I can’t effectively use a claw machine to snag a plush toy, so why on Earth (or Mars or Jupiter or whatever) would I be able to repair space stations using mechanical arms?
- Dog show judge: What do you mean they can’t all win?
- Suburban developer: Is it just me or are subdivisions and their streets always named like a Bob Ross painting? They’ve got monikers like “Peaceful Meadow” and “Whispering Forest Drive”… Mine would all have hilariously terrible names and I would sell zero houses. No one wants to tell their friends they live at the intersection of Guess What? and Chicken Butt.
- Headmistress at an orphanage for baby spiders: Why? Well, for starters the headmistress probably shouldn’t be the one responsible for orphaning them in the first place (and I most definitely am) and that same headmistress probably shouldn’t set fire to the building when faced with thousands of tiny spiders (and I most definitely would).
- Matt Damon wrangler: Based on what I’ve seen of his movies, keeping an eye on Matt Damon is basically Adventures in Babysitting to the nth power- the dude is frequently lost and in need of (a very expensive) rescue- and guys, I just don’t have the patience to be the Buttons to his Mindy (name that reference).
Chambray shirt: Target
Necklace: Target (in store but not online, similar)
Booties: Old Navy (similar)