ATTENTION: Do you find that people are constantly asking you what’s wrong, why you’re mad, or what the dingo that stole your baby looked like? Do you find this happens even when you’re not even a little bit angry? Do you find this happens when you are just minding your own business and maybe just staring into space thinking about the next time you’ll get to eat nachos (which as we all know is one of the happiest daydreams known to man)? Do you find yourself constantly apologizing with the excuse, “It’s not you, it’s just my face”? You might be suffering from RBF, or “Resting Bitch Face”. You are not alone. This is a chronic condition that affects millions (dare I say billions?) of people all over the globe. While there is no cure for RBF, there are steps you can take to alleviate the symptoms: You can choose to smile constantly (side effects include eye watering, dryness of the mouth, wrinkles, and a slow decent into insanity), lean into it and add a Clint Eastwood level squint and grimace (extra terrifying to the neighborhood kids), OR keep them guessing by keeping your face game strong but throw on three of the cheeriest prints you own.
Polka dots, stripes, AND bunnies?! Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you freezing your butt off and want to go inside and man an expedition to the center of Mt. Blanket? No one knows! And trust me, no one has the cajones to question a person wearing a bunny sweater. It’s a win/win, my friends.