In theory, jumpsuits are genius. They’re that girl you always wanted to be like in school: Simultaneously glam and posh, but with this super cool, devil may care attitude and “I don’t have to try to look cool” vibe. They’re like dresses for people who like pants- one article of clothing that you put on and BOOM! instant outfit.
In practice, however, jumpsuits are a challenge. I set out last season to find myself an a-list jumpsuit. What I found was a whole lot of awkwardness and misery. You see, what I had neglected to consider when dreaming of my perfect jumpsuit and perusing the racks was proportion. It had not occurred to me that what regularly worked out for me in dresses would not necessarily translate to something with legs (I know what you’re thinking, “Gee Emily, that seems like a bit of a no-brainer”… You’re right. Now, shhhh). Subsequently, everything I put on was problematic. No matter what I tried, there was always some kind of issue that made me look ridiculous- Either the torso was too short which meant I couldn’t get it over both of my shoulders, or the inseam was too short which gave me the most amazing camel toe/Steve Urkel high waters pants combo. I found myself perpetually wondering out loud why Gwyneth Paltrow never looks like a strangely long crotched buffoon or a deranged mechanic and feeling utterly discouraged…
…But then it happened.
I was wandering through Ann Taylor one day when I saw it out of the corner of my eye: The perfect jumpsuit. I approached it slowly so as not to startle it or myself (which in hindsight, was crazy). There was one left in my size, so I grabbed it and ran to the dressing room. I slid it on and I swear a choir of angels started singing. Then I looked at the price tag and those caroling cherubs were replaced by sad trombones. Then I told my friends of my amazing find and Jess said, “You know Ann Taylor is having a huge 60% off sale online right now, right?” and the angels started singing Beyonce and that’s how I knew it was real. So, I ordered that mofo online and we both lived happily ever after. The End.